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everything you never wanted
all the days seem to blend into each other. weeks just fly by, where do the months go?

it's pouring outside today as it's been since yesterday. april showers or some shit i guess. i'm at work waiting on deliveries. journaling at all just seems somewhat useless as my days typically the same.

noteworthy: jackie and i flew to tulsa to see my parents. april 14th - 18th. flying out was a nightmare. we flew out of dulles and jackie's mother very kindly drove us. we sat on the plane for two and a half hours while they changed a tire and generally wasted everyone's time. all connecting flights were missed. there was almost a mutiny. they finally started let people off the plane after 2 hours. jackie arranged a different connecting flight. once in dallas we were given the wrong flight info. luckily our connecting flight was later than we had originally thought. we finally made it to tulsa by 1130pm.

once off the plane i hardly recognized my father who i guess i haven't seen in a few years. skin dark as all get out (you'd never know it but i've got a decent amount of cherokee in me), his goatee totally white, his hair following suit. shari looked the same as ever.

we had a late night meal at ihop and caught up and stayed the night at my parents cute 2 bedroom apartment.

the following morning we made breakfast much to my parents' surprise. cleaned up, headed out to retrieve my father's car (as he was borrowing a car from the dealership to cart us around and letting us use his), and then jackie and i headed downtown to check into the aloft. the room was nice; modern and minimalistic. worked for the few days we were there. napped. headed back to my parents around 7pm for some kumla. that is a traditional norweigan potato dumpling dish. delish. cleaned up, chatted around the tv for a bit, then back to the hotel we went.

jackie and i stopped for a drink at the hotel bar and asked the bartender for other bar recommendations. she ended up giving me her number and telling us to meet her where she was going. we did, an 80s themed bar called The Max: the Retropub. was a short 15 minute walk, and once there the merriment began. liquor is cheap out there, i tell you what. met 2 other people with a cute dog named sprout. people named adrian and karly. extremely sweet.

roused around 2pm the next day where my father picked us up to check out the philbrook museum. beautiful. just beautiful. a co-worker of mine grew up a few blocks from there so we passed his childhood home on the way out and took a picture for him.

then my dad hit curb on a narrow road and blew out both passenger side tires. luckily jackie just called triple a so she sent called for a tow and we waited. i was stressed out, worrying about my father getting in trouble with the dealership, worrying about how much money this would cost my father, who is certainly not made of money. after some tense moments figuring out who had what tires and could my dad be there before there, they were off. not before i happily gave my father $200, knowing all i wanted to do was help.

jackie and i waited at the park we pulled over at for a little over an hour. once my father picked us up we grabbed shari afterwards and had a nice dinner at a place called the vault. went back to to the hotel eventually and stayed in for the night.

thursday we met up with my uncle scott, his 3 kids, my grandfather and his gf, and had a nice family meal at an italian restaurant in town. they were surprised that jackie and i paid but come one, it's that time where we do that now. after dinner scott took us to "the center of the universe" with his kids, and then gave me a punk cd and shirt he got from working security at that show.

that night we went out again to the same bar and met our friends there. more drinking, more fun, adrian karly and sprout came back to our room to chill for a bit. then to bed, and up and the morning. it was already time to leave. goodbyes were easy and we were out of tulsa in a flash.

at the dallas ft worth airport i finally gave in and bought A Game of Thrones. great idea, it's a great book so far. wish i could continue to read it but it's missing 50 pages and i'm waiting on the publishing house to send me another copy.

mind you, there's plenty of loud obnoxious hotel sex happening throughout this vacation, but i'll keep all that to myself. jackie would probably appreciate it.

so we survived, it was great, everyone loved jackie and vice versa. and she did that whole vacation with a cold. champion.

ok i've got 30 cases of beer in the basement i should handle.
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it's been 3 years and 4 months since my last update. for shame. my days have turned mostly into same shit different day kind of generally, mostly because i am busy. i don't even know who still updates but i'm about to find out.

i decided i should try and keep plugging into this guy because having a record of my past has always been something i really enjoyed. it's a shame to miss all the little things from the past almost 3 and half years but i suppose i'll survive.

let's see if i can wrap up the past 3+ years succinctly:

where did we leave off? oh yes, becky gave mark our 30 days. around the beginning of 2011 we were pretty much moved in to our new place, a very cozy (tiny) row house in barney circle, south east. things were good i'm imagining.

in june of 2011 becky and i flew down to florida for my mother's side of the family small-ish family reunion. met a lot of my family for the first time. first time i had seen my mother in 11 years. it was fantastic. i walked in to my grandfather's condo he was staying in where everyone gathered daily, and there everyone was, either sitting around the table or watching the folks sitting around the table, and they were playing some fun and ridiculous drinking game. i was home.

it truly was great to see that side of the family, to see where some of my "nature" versus nurture comes from. to catch up with my aunts and my grandparents, to meet the younger generation. and it was great to have becky there, to see all this too.

when we had originally arrived in florida i was struck by how much older my mother looked but i suppose 11 years will do that to you. and my sister, who was with her, was high on pcp and who knows what else as she nodded out in the car... i guess that'll age you too.

it was a great visit, all in all.

fast forward a few months later. DC has an earthquake, what? also, a new 21 year old girl started working at phase. i literally paid her no mind until i did. it started with just chit chatting. then i saw her on h st outside of work one friday and invited her to come in and have some drinks. she had some drinks. then she said she wanted to go home and change. when she came back she was looking extra good. i should've gotten the memo then.

we texted often and developed crushes while my relationship rapidly deteriorated with becky. it wasn't great that summer, and boy did it start crashing fast after. we disagreed on a lot, and i felt like she didn't much like me or care for much i had to say, and here was this shiny 21 year old who just thought i was the bees knees.

i cheated. i cheated for 6 months all the while just knowing becky and i could find a way to figure it out. right? wrong. morning of march 24th, 2012, becky found out. and i fled the house only to return a few days later to retrieve my things off the lawn. we had coordinated a time for me to pick up my darling cats, cricket and loki. an hour before i was supposed to she left me a voicemail sobbing, begging to keep them. i agreed of course.

the 21 year old, marissa, and i, continued on our way, with me insisting as i had just gotten out of a relationship i didn't want to immediately be in another one. that sort of did not pan out. and breakups are messy. and becky and i slept together a few times over the summer, and then tried to reconcile in the fall of '12. i even went to couples therapy with her. but the horse was dead. i walked out of her house a final time sometime in november. and she still won't let me see my cats.

all the while i'm still djing every saturday at phase and working during the week for mark at whiskey's. pretty darn lucky to have a steady job.

fall of 2012 and marissa and i have broken up our unofficial relationship but by winter were back together, naturally. it was not a good relationship. there's lots of finger pointing and blame that could happen but in the end, we were just shit people to each other. by spring 2013 i was fed up with marissa. she'd barely worked in a year and i paid all her bills while she continued to be lazy during the day and go out at night. and then a friendship i'd had seemed to spark my interest more than she cared for.

somewhere in there marissa had begun stealing money from kate (the roommate) and i, and spending it on drugs and going out. i think i suspected something but could never pinpoint it. until early june a friend approached me and gave me the lowdown and even showed me lots of text exchanges with marissa. i talked to some alcohol about it, marched home, threw the bedroom door open, and declared she had one week to get a job, or else.

so we broke up. but she found a job and i didn't have the heart to kick her out. meanwhile this friendship that was holding my interest more than it should have turned into me falling in love, ever so briefly. i never told anyone. she could've guessed. maybe a few other people could've guess, assuming anyone was paying attention. but she was in a relationship. still is. and she's still a great friend.

sporadically throughout the past 7 years i'd randomly text or get a text from an old friend named Jackie. her attempts to contact me since fall of 2012 became much more frequent and much more obvious. she'd gotten out of a long terrible relationship about a year and half ago, had lost a lot of weight, and was really trying to cross me off her to do list after 7 years because lord knows once in my life i was smart and told a girl i wouldn't sleep with her because i knew it would end badly.

so here we were, 7 years later, and she was clear on what her intent was. and i kind of shied away. until the end of july. i was having a great fucking night at phase and jackie showed up and i kissed her right on the mouth. i went home with her that night, she made me one of the best breakfasts i've ever had the next morning, and all was well.

a few weeks went by and i didn't have much to say as i was trying to sort out my emotional wreckage of being in love with this friend. little did i know jackie had actually very recently gotten out of another relationship where she wasn't treated as well as she should've been so she was feeling raw and i was cold so most of august was a little tense.

end of august i blow out my right ankle. again. yep just like in the summer of 2009. i immediately sought out jackie that day who helped me with my final errands before i was out the work game. i was on crutches for 3 weeks, seeing jackie here and there where i could. in that time my grandfather, peepaw, died on my 31st birthday. couldn't have been more fitting because i know i get a lot of personality from him. so i flew down to florida and stayed with my aunt connie who i hadn't seen in 15 or so years and it was like time never passed. what an amazing woman. i met all her 6 kids, what a great family.

jackie picked me up from the airport when i came back from florida. we slowly spent more and more time together. marissa slowly unravelled more and more during that process. kate and i had to agree to kick her out, she wasn't contributing to the household. i stopped talking to marissa october 17th because, i couldn't take any more of her nonsense. she still emails/texts bizarre things every once in a while. she lives in west virginia now with her father.

meanwhile jackie and i are still getting closer. it was a close call though. her recent ex-boyfriend is a total asshole that had a complete hold on her. incidentally and through no discussion between us, jackie stopped talking to her ex also on october 17th.

even though i don't look good on paper and jackie was really trying to protect her heart, we are now officially together and it is good. we don't get to see much of each other except the weekends. but we are great. healthy. happy. she's a montessori teacher, pretty delightful. we've had our moments but the 7 years of previous friendship made it easy to get along and have a lot of trust early on.

i would've put all that behind a cut but i forget how and who cares? we can all scroll past shit right?

so here i am folks, 31 years old, and pretty much living the dream. i still drink too much but i get my job done, i get it down well, i take care of my friends and my girlfriend the best way i know how, and generally live a good life. come at me 2014.
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becky gave our 60 days to mark today.

one burglary, one friend shot and found on our doorstep, countless sleepless nights due to the noisy bar downstairs and... it's our time.

funny thing, becky moved in exactly a year ago.

tom will move in after. it will be perfect for him.

i hope we find a nice place. apartment searching in the winter SUCKS. apartment searching sucks.

truck is MONEY PIT. when do i just let it go?


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say it aint so zsa zsa!

so this new thing has started where when i finally calm down and relax at the end of the day, i feel like i'm vibrating. my whole body. whaaa?

had my very first every surprise bday party, courtesy of becky.

so satruday we attend kate and cori's wedding ehich involves day drinking which just means poor decisions and vomiting later on. and the next.

and sunday was the last time i was gonna see angela before she left for a while and when we get there SURPRISE!

a nice little gathering. it was sweet.

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13 is my lucky number, i was stoked for a good day.

my house got broken into. they took the bars off the window and came through the kitchen window. didnt take much. my flat screen tv, wii, games, digital camera, her ipod and speaker set. left everything else. teeangers no doubt. becky is furious, wants to move.

after she falls asleep i get an urgent text to run downstairs (i live above a bar) and tom's outside, wifebeater ripped, red faced. just fought a guy that was rooting through my truck.

meanwhile, seeing as how i'd been burglarized i did not return to work. and someone, some fucking GUY punches our door girl.

what the fuck is up with people? at wits end.

i liked you trinidad, i really did. but you don't respect me. i'm out.

becky's been itching to move anyway, to live in a place that's more "ours" than an apartment above a loud bar owned by a guy i work for.

this is the second time in my life a place i've lived in has been burglarized and my shit's been stolen. what a shit show.

i'd like to forget it all know.
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last wednesday kicked off pride for all phase employees with some jello wrestling. i took off work at whiskey's to emcee. it was total insanity. packed. but fun.

picked up courtney on saturday and we were at phase around 2. drinking began. by 430 or 5 we were at the parade start point. finally met up with everyone. again this year for some reason our float was beach party themed. whatever. i stayed on the back of the float with the equipment drinking, quasi-djing and over using the microphone. the parade seemed to fly by for me, but it was a few hours. oh, drunk.

got to phase by 9 and pounded out the jams till 3 am, fueling up on pizza somewhere in there. the best received song oddly was "show me love" by robin but i think that's because i prefaced it by announcing on the mic that it was dedicated to everyone that was in 7th grade in 1994.

becky had her recital for the alexandria studio this sunday so no pride festivities for her again this year. maybe next year.

time rtuly flies by, i work a lot. i look forward to working less but i haven't figured out how to achieve that quite yet.

my sister is supposed to fly up here in 2 weeks so that we can attend the hole concert at the 930. yep, been a fan for 15, 16, 17? years and it'll be my first hole show. well rather, courtney love and backing band show. i'm stoked. i've always loved courtney love, no matter how irrational and crazy she seemed. i think she sort of reminds me of my mom.

OH! and jimmy's had it's 3rd anniversary/mark's 40th bday party the end of may. got off work at whiskey's around 3 and headed to the party. i was fecked up in no time. completely hung over the rest of the next day but soooo worth it. i never get a chance to party like that, and i really, at heart, love a great party.

reunited with my first (and only) hairstylist, back to the 'hawk! her business has really grown and her clientelle is somewhat predictable i think so she had a lot of fun with my hair. it was fun to watch and great to catch up.

2010, you're half over and you've really flown by.

this post is brought to you by the letters H and V, because they are awesome.

dr. v, i heart you.
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really looking forward to dropping that monday night shift. i hate it. i need a 2 day weekend.

finally back from the shop is the imperial at-at walker aka my truck. it's a 1986 gmc jimmy. mark purchased it for me and has paid for it's repairs to get it solid. it is my 2009, 2010, 2011 bonus. if i stop working for him before the ned of 2011, the truck defaults back to him. sounds pretty fair to me. and what i must rememeber, owning a vehicle = money to be spent. gas, upkeep, repairs...

becky's thyroid is enlarged amd she's exhibiting signs of hypothyroidism (fatigue, weight gain, water retenetion, mood swings) but it is NOT hypothyroidism so unfortuantely she has to keep getting bloodwork and tests done till the problem is discovered. i feel bad, she's extremely frustrated. and on top of all the health related frustrations she's feeling bad about her body image. as a dancer and a girl who has weighed 120 lbs for as long as she can remember, AND having a past with body image issues, the weight gain has really been a point of tension and stress.

angela's bar in cali opened up this past weekend. i hope it goes well for her. in a perfect world i will continue to work for mark honing bar running/business skills and when angela is back in dc i could work for her fulltime. that would be dreamy.

it would makes sense for me to live above jimmy's through 2011, hopefully it means becky and i can save a lot of money. to go towards a house. yep. long term.

she's it for me so far. the bees knees. come july we'll have been together for a year and a half so there's definitely more time to figure it out but, i really do think this is it.

now, time to catch up on you guys...
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i work too much. but at least i make money.

the blizzard of 2010 was miserable. we ended up having to pay $200 to hire a plow/bobcat to dig becky's car out. i had to work everyday and relied on mark and his monster truck to get me to work. moster truck = fully restored 1979 suburban on 34s and with a 6 inch lift. i can barely get into the fucking thing.

for our one year i got becky a nice, tasteful tiffany's necklace. she loves it. she painted me something and made the most adorable and sentimental card. i love that girl a lot. in a good way. this is probably the healthiest relationship i've ever been in.

betty and jamie are dating. whoda thunk? they seem smitten, which is good.

my dear old mark from high school, we are back in touch again. i missed him so fucking much. i missed mark and jamie so much and i am so grateful to have them both back in my life.

my parents are in a financial downward spiral and are moving to oklahoma at the end of the month, to move in with my grandfather. i'm overwhelmed by how much time they expect me to give this process. i have no time. i work. all the time.

they need a foster home for one of their cats for a few months while they get their feet on the ground out there. i'll be making phone calls i guess, i don't really know of a program like that but there's got to be one. my dad sort of tried to guilt trip me because i won't take their cat and it's like they to fail to remember that i've got my own life, my own responsibilites, my own relationship to nurture and my own 2 fucking cats. but i'm hoping to find a program of which i'll be footing the bill as my parents have no money at all.

things got heated when my father tried to guilt me with the fact that he needs help loading the truck next saturday. i don't even get home till 5 am on saturdays. then he expects me to come over and load a truck all day with him AND THEN go to work that night? actually he expected me to take the night off but uh no, don't tell me what to do. AND it's phase one's 40th anniversary, so yeah. i'll be working that.

so i'm footing the bill to have movers come out and pack up the house. good thing i work all the time.

my father was a full time home appraiser a few years ago, making more than enough money. well, with the economy stroking out and no market for home buying my dad barely does even one appraisal a month. he took up a job at macy's part time. after taxes he makes $150 a week. my step mother hasn't worked in 10 years. she has fibromyalgia (sp?) don't get me started.

so they're moving. and if they stay out there in oklahome... i'll probably only see them 10 more times, ever. oh and i'm not confident that their marriege will survive...

i'm grateful i have a job and make decent money. i'm grateful that no matter how bad the economy is, people still want to go out and drink.
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well. katt and sara's wedding was splendid. and jamie was there. and it was so good. we talked things out and have been in touch since then and i can't stop thinking to myself how goddamn much i missed my best friend.

becky moved in and it's great. running the bar is working. everything seems swell. my sweet love betty is 33 today and i really do wish her all the best.

apparently angela is moving to cali for a few years, phase/allen have sucked her dry. team awesome can handle it though.

now that it's winter we all have matching flannels. nothing says adult like having a circle of friends that you match outfits with.

in my older age i have found i love cartoons, specifically adult swim. thank you for entertaining me when i get off of work.

so be it.
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looks like i'm into the once a month posting eh?

when you work 10 to 12 hours a day, lots of extra things are never done.

so the wedding is next week. very excited to get out of here and go on a tiny vacation. i'm excited to see katt and sara. and i'm interested in seeing who all is going to be there.

ridiculous to-do list that must get done before the wedding. my hours make things very hard.

flat screen tv came in, hooked it up to the cables thats been sitting around and walla, we've got all the cable channels free of charge. thank you north east dc.

got a wii which becky loves, and am eyeing a ps3 slim. becky told her mother of my penchant for electronics to which she replied, "at least it's not cars."

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